Traveling in the Opposite Direction: Lessons in Surrendering

I had a plan! I had a destination! Actually, I had a few destinations, people to see along the way to the final destination. They were lovely plans. What’s that saying about “the best laid plans”? I use the past tense very deliberately. Those plans seem to have rearranged themselves without my permission and once again I am learning. Oh, so much learning and growing. A dear friend calls these types of situations AFGO (Another F*#%!&@ Growth Opportunity). Don’t get me wrong; I am a growth minded girlie. I just hadn’t realized I signed up for advanced coursework; I thought I was going out to recess. Instead, I am learning how to shift out of self-criticism and into surrender.  

The plan was to be in the Pacific Northwest before Christmas. Thanks to all the time spent training in hypnotherapy at the Wellness Institute in Seattle, I have a number of dear friends who live in the area. I knew it would be a long journey and that I needed to come up from the south since the weather up north would not be ideal for driving.

I planned to stop in Northwest Arkansas (NWA) to see a friend I have had since childhood. From there, I would meet up with another friend in Albuquerque and teach a workshop. And then onto Tucson to spend Thanksgiving with another friend. Next stop was California to see my niece and then up the coast to Seattle. Those were the plans. I sure do miss those plans.

At least it looks a bit like the Pacific Northwest

The need to surrender started early. In my last two posts, I shared the challenges that came up at the start of my adventure. I surrendered to staying in NWA for longer than anticipated. I practiced gratitude for the extra time with one of my best friends. I looked for “what good will come from this?” in a situation that feels negative. Okay, I thought, I can do this! Soon I will be heading west and continuing with the plan. And then the energy shifted.

As many of you know, I practice tuning in and following Divine guidance. I check in with my energy and the energy around me. I had planned to go west the Saturday after Thanksgiving. On Monday of that week, the energy for going west dropped out. It wasn’t there. I was so confused. What happened? I thought I had figured this out. I had a revised plan!

At first, I doubled down and did more research on the route. I thought maybe I was afraid of traveling the mountain passes up the coast this late in the year. I looked for reasons. It must be me. I must be lacking in some way. And the good old, there must be something wrong with me.

At that thought, I realized what I was doing. I was bringing up old beliefs and using them against myself. The practiced habits of self-criticism and self-judgment are sticky. Once my brain touches those old beliefs, it takes more than Goo Gone to stop believing them to be true.

It was time to go back into my mental, emotional, and spiritual tool box. I pulled out the Cognitive Behavioral tools of naming my cognitive distortions to help unstick those old beliefs and thoughts. Just naming the distortions in my thoughts helped me wake up and realize I was out of alignment with who I have become. I practiced self-compassion by holding my emotions mindfully and not over or under identifying with them. This helped me actually feel the emotions instead of intellectualizing them or drowning in them. I prayed and asked for guidance. This helped me connect to something greater than my small self, my ego. I added in my energy management tools: grounding, connecting, protecting, changing my boundary roses and so on.  

Free handouts on Cognitive Behavioral Tools and Self Compassion Tools on my clinical website

 Surrender for me isn’t easy. I used to think it was magically dropping into acceptance. I have found through practice that surrender is work. It is using the tools that have helped in the past and learning new tools.

One of the newer tools for me is practicing vulnerability by speaking to close friends about what is going on. I used to think I was bothering people. I was taught to figure it out on my own. Over the last five years, I have practiced this tool more than ever. I am grateful for the work I have done to create healthy relationships so that I now have a group of people who get me and support me, who listen and encourage without preaching or giving directed advice. They hold space for me to find my own truth and my own way.

I would love to tell you that all this led to complete clarity, to a happy ending. It didn’t. The good news is it did not lead to a bad ending either. It has only helped me to surrender to the what is and stop resisting how this journey is unfolding. I still don’t have answers. I still don’t know what the plan is. I am in limbo, but I do realize that going West right now is not the plan.

So, what to do in the meantime? Well, for now, I have decided to get out of the cold. I have gone south and east to warmer weather. It is the completely opposite direction of where I thought I was headed. AFGO is here to help me learn to surrender and trust in Divine guidance. Here we go!