The End of Mercury Retrograde: Support, Surrender, and Shifting Stories

“Issues that arise during a Mercury retrograde often don’t resolve themselves until Mercury returns to the point in the sky it was at when it went retrograde.” That is what I learned from a wise astrology teacher back in June of 2015 when I took a different trip out west. I took that trip during a Mercury retrograde unknowingly. (It was also a full moon and my solar return ). Because of that experience, I set out on this trip with full knowledge of what traveling on a Mercury retrograde holds. I understood, or thought I understood, the challenges that may arise on this journey.

I left the day Mercury went retrograde. A bad decision? Perhaps, but perhaps not. It may be that I needed to leave the comforts of my own home to explore the myths I had built my life around, the old stories that I have been telling about who I am and what I am capable of doing. Or rather, the stories about my limitations, of not being understood, of not being good enough, of not knowing enough, of not belonging.

I was challenged by the twists and turns and the unexpected. I felt the overwhelm but stayed connected with myself. The old pattern would have been to shame myself for not being perfect.

Campground at Lake Okatibbee

I felt alone. I was literally alone in the motorhome, the only one driving. The only one doing the set up and take down. No one else was going to empty the grey and black water tanks at the dump station. No one else to decide which route to take. But this is nothing new. I live alone. I am used to doing so much on my own. But now, I’m outside my safe haven, the nice home I have built for myself with my routines and my comforts.

I am beginning to understand that I was not truly alone. I have never really been alone. I have nonphysical and physical support. My spiritual practices have connected me to the nonphysical help: angels, guides, ancestors, nature, my solar angel, to name just a few. So much support in the spiritual realm.

Then there are also the physically present people in my life. I am blessed to have good friends, many good friends across the country and locally in St. Louis. One good friend made sure I was equipped with a magical hoodie before I left and also came over to install the cargo carrier I had received as a gift from another friend. You have already seen the cargo carrier in the reset blog.

Two of my best friends and I exchange audio messages every day. They hear the mundane details of my life and the daily and existential struggles I experience. One has known me since childhood and the other is more recent but is so similar to me that I feel like we have known each other forever. Both listened and supported as I planned the trip and as I have readjusted those plans along the way. They love me enough to say the hard things to me. They challenge me and remind me of my original goals of this journey. It may be tough to hear at times but it is done with such love.

And another best friend that makes this type of travel possible because she is a powerful earth tender. She tends to my home while I am gone, watering my plants and bringing in my mail. She even goes so far as to take care of my yard better than I ever do. These solid friendships provide such a solid foundation in my life.

What was surprising is that once I started sharing about my journey, support that I did not know was there came into focus. A college friend called to hear more about what I was doing and provide encouragement. He let me know that he is there if I get in a jam. He reassured me that wherever I am, I can call on him for help. That broke something open in me. It helped me start to see the other supporters.

People I may not see on a regular basis but who are there cheering me on, reading the blog posts, liking the photos, sharing their support. People like you who read this and silently provide encouragement.

This is so contrary to the old stories I have been telling myself since childhood. The stories of “no one wants to hear what you have to say,” “you are tolerated so don’t take up space,” “you wouldn’t understand,” “you will be included but won’t actually belong.”

I can provide lots of data that might even convince you that these stories are true.

But what do I want to be true now? I have learned that I can create my reality. Cognitive behavioral therapy has taught me that my beliefs create my thoughts which create my feelings and shape my experiences. Why would I want to keep practicing these old beliefs?

Well, they feel safe in their familiarity. If no one wants to hear what I have to say then I don’t have to be vulnerable and share about this journey.

If I am tolerated but don’t belong then it doesn’t matter if I show up.

If I can’t understand then I don’t have to sit with the complexities of life and relationships. So, I can stay small.

I don’t have to try. I don’t have to take risks. But like the hermit crab, I had outgrown the shell of those old stories, and it was time for a bigger shell, time for a more expansive view of myself and what is possible.

The rewiring of these old beliefs is now underway. As I write this Mercury has already gone direct (November 29^th). While the revision process is well underway, more healing and recovery is still needed to complete the rebuild of the old belief system.

As I write this, I am at a campground in Mississippi (too far away from my friend in this state for a visit). I set up camp here to work for the week and to figure out what to do next. I am tuning into where the energy is for the next leg of the trip. I am practicing new beliefs of “what I have to say matters,” “it is safe to take up space,” “I am grateful for being understood,” and “I feel included because I do belong.” These beliefs need some readjusting still. Perhaps I will come up with some rhyming affirmations. The subconscious loves a good rhyme; it makes the beliefs stickier.

From The Pattern App

While Mercury retrograde has technically ended, Mercury has not yet returned to the “point in the sky it was at when it went retrograde.” This will happen December 16^th.

Until then, I will continue to revisit the plan, revise the plan, and realign my energy. It is not comfortable but I trust it is worth the effort.

I once again surrender to the flow and practice trusting in the process of life.

And then I notice I am holding my breath.

Once again, I remind myself to breathe, to feel the feelings, to continue on, and to embrace the detours.