The hardest lesson I learned in my training and personal growth work is to show up for healthy completion. It can feel much easier in the moment to follow the lyrics of the Paul Simon song:
Slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
You just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free
But in the long run, that way leaves me feeling icky, incomplete, and the opposite of free. Instead, I practice showing up, having the hard conversation, being vulnerable, and moving forward with intention. It feels like it takes so much work to get myself there but the payoff is extraordinary.
What Is Healthy Completion?
Groups and relationships have natural cycles. When I begin something new, I often think it will last forever. It is natural, however, for the group or relationship to fulfill its original purpose. At that time, I have many choices: become disgruntled and stay beyond the natural conclusion; reengage with a different purpose in mind; disappear without saying anything; look for some external reason to leave and blame something/someone; or acknowledge my feelings and own my decision to leave. This last one is Healthy Completion.
Healthy Completion is about staying conscious of my own wants and needs and speaking up about my choice to leave. It requires ownership of my feelings, thoughts, behaviors and choices. It means that I stay present with myself and honor where my path leads. It creates the opportunity to say good-bye and end in a way that ties up loose ends. It lends itself to continuing relationships and connections in the future.
I'm so grateful to have learned the tools necessary to move forward with intention and the courage to close the doors behind me that need to be closed. It has taken a lot of work to understand that a closed door does not mean a bigger ending. I can choose to walk into that room again or a similar room, but with the door closed, I maintain my full energy to pursue what is next on my path.
If this sounds impossible, I encourage you to set the intention to learn how to navigate healthy completion. Whether it is through soul coaching that we do together, our group processes, or some other path you take to learn and practice, know that I believe in your ability to intentionally complete instead of slipping out the back.